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June 2006
Tomorrow is the official start of summer for me and my family. I feel as though I am a child myself anxiously awaiting languid days by the pool with friends and relaxing nights in the backyard with family. Gone are the myriad of activities that involve us every single day and night of the week. Gone are the stresses of bedtime and alarm clocks. Gone are the worries of deadlines and homework.
"I worry, I weigh three times my body
I worry, I throw my fear around
But this morning, there's a calm I can't explain
The rock candy's melted, only diamonds now remain"
I write as a way to clear my head. I write as a way to reach you, my friend, in ways I cannot do everyday. I write to you today to stop and take inventory of what you have. Not what you want or think you need, but what you actually have. With each passing year of my life, my list of wants and needs becomes shorter; consequently, my list of gratitude and blessings continues to grow. Less has become more. Although I must admit that staying focused on the positive and not letting the forces of negativity and despair pull me down, at times, can be a daily struggle.
"By the time I recognize this moment
This moment will be gone
But I will bend the light, pretend that it somehow lingered on"
The laughter of my children, the sun shining through the windows of my beautiful, new, family room, a spontaneous hug from Nick, the sound of the garage door opening as my husband arrives home, the scent of Jack's cookies baking in the oven, hearing Mariel singing alone in her room (unaware anyone even hears her), the sight of Jack holding an umbrella over Nick's head as they walk together in the rain, the aroma of a fresh picked flower bouquet from my daughter, hearing wine being poured into 2 glasses as I tuck my children in at night, the anticipation of time shared alone with Wes.......... these are just some of the moments I have stopped to recognize.
The lyrics folded in between my words are from "Clarity" a song by John Mayer. Years ago, I heard it for the first time and cried as I listened to every word. As is with nearly every one of his songs, there are so many layers, so much depth, so much truth. I remember after listening to it I made a personal vow to try and recognize those moments I previously would have ignored and left go. My world has been turned upside down since I heard this song for the first time, and I wouldn't change a thing.
"And I will wait to find
If this will last forever
And I will wait to find
If this will last forever
And I will pay no mind
When it won't and it won't because it can't
It just can't
It's not supposed to"
"Was there a second of time that I looked around?
Did I sail through or drop my anchor down
Was anything enough to kiss the ground?
And say I'm here now and she's here now"
Those of you who read my "love, hope, and faith" mail in April know how I feel about having my children here, at home, at last. Time is such a precious thing. As I talked with friends last night, we discussed the ability (rather the inability) to put a "closed" sign on our businesses for the summer. How doing such, would be so therapeutic and beneficial. For most of us, financially, this isn't an option. Personally and spiritually, though, I think it is more than an option. It is a necessity.
Summer goes by way too fast. Give yourself a gift of restorative idleness; an unexpected, melodic summer of undoing to balance the discordant days of doing way too much. Hold on to all those moments that are yet to be. Relish all the moments that have been.
So much wasted in the afternoon
So much sacred in the month of June
How bout you?
And I will wait to find
If this will last forever
And I will wait to find
That it won't and it won't
Because it won't
And I will waste no time
Worried 'bout no rainy weather
And I will waste no time
Remaining in our lives together
When you stop trying to fit your world inside a picture frame, you start to live............... and all things familiar become different........ and all things that seem ordinary become extraordinary.
My hope, my wish, my prayer today is this: Savor every little moment of your summer. Fill your soul and your spirit with memories and experiences to last a lifetime. View your days and nights with both of your eyes, your ears, your mouth, your touch, your heart. Be fully present in your life, in your love, and...................... in all of those summer moments:-)
Michelle
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